Rolling in the Deep by Rebecca Rogers Maher Page B

of power.
    Well, the cat’s out of the bag now. We’re in a hotel room together in the middle of the day. We both know why. And I’m scared to death. I don’t even know of what.
    “It’s true. No one knows we’re here.” I try to sound nonchalant about it, flirty, but my voice cracks, and immediately he pulls back.
    “You okay?”
    “Y-yes…Why?”
    “Because, I mean…” He presses his lips together.
    I’ve ruined the moment. I’ve made him self-conscious. Hell, I’m self-conscious.
    “Holly, we don’t have to…I mean, I don’t want you to feel like…”
    I don’t want to ruin this moment. I don’t want to make us both feel weird just because I can’t relax.
    It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a man. I’m embarrassed by how long.
    I sit down on the bed. It is absurdly soft, and covered in a million pillows. “I’m not very good at this sort of thing.”
    He laughs a little, and sits beside me. “At what? Sleeping with someone in a hotel room right after you’ve won the lottery?”
    “Guess not.” I lean back until I’m lying down, and kick off my shoes. “They sure don’t skimp on the pillows at nice hotels.”
    Ray eases over and lies on his side to face me. “Nope, they don’t.”
    “I’m a little freaked out, Ray.” I lay the palm of my hand against his face. It’s bristly. I don’t think he’s shaved today.
    He covers my hand with his. “So am I.”
    “Really?”
    He blows out a breath. “Sorry, is that not sexy? The guy’s supposed to be in charge and all that?”
    I think of Brett, who always led the way on everything. Who acted like he was above human feeling. “Actually, no. It’s…it’s good.”
    Ray smiles into my palm. “Well, I got that going for me.”
    I look into his eyes for a few moments. His warm, brown eyes. And soon I’m looking at his mouth. At his lips that are still curved—with affection, I realize. Affection for me.
    Ray has been nothing but open and friendly since that first day I met him. And interested. Unlike me, he’s made no secret of that. He was interested in me.
    I’ve never felt like the kind of woman who could interest a man like him. Brett always made it seem like I was lucky he chose me, like I was a step down for him. In retrospect I guess he had to put me in my place like that, in order to control me.
    And it worked—for years. It’s still working. Because even now, here in this room with Ray, Brett is haunting me. He’s here, telling me to hold back, to not trust this, to not trust myself.
    I used to think I had decent judgment, that I knew how to tell the difference between someone cruel and someone kind. It seemed like such a basic thing, something anyone should know. Yet I ended up with Brett. I twisted myself in knots trying to make him love me.
    And look how that turned out.
    I want to believe that Ray is a good man. That he’s not lying in wait, looking for signs of vulnerability he can use against me.
    But the fact is, I can’t know that for sure. I’m taking a risk, being here with him. I don’t know him very well, not really.
    But I’m taking a risk because I want to.
    Because I want him.
    Because I’m a grown woman. A mother, a hard worker, a good friend.
    I’m taking the risk because I’m so fucking tired of being afraid. Of being tentative, of holding myself back.
    I close the gap between Ray’s body and mine, and press my lips to his.
    He breathes out, into my mouth, and this time I’m here for it. I feel it lick through me like smoke.
    I hold him there, just like that. To feel him, to get used to him, to learn the sensation of his lips against mine.
    Then I touch my tongue to his lower lip.
    He doesn’t move at first, only breathes in once, sharply, and lets me explore him. I take my time, tasting him, feeling the flood it unleashes in me. A thick, drugging need.
    I arch my back and press into him, and finally he responds. His tongue finds mine, and he’s kissing me back. Licking me hotly,