Weekend at Vidu's: A Dead Drunk Short by Richard Johnson Page A

the bully, Vidu focused on
his plans for the rest of the morning. He would rally any friends that wanted
to go with him and walk to the nearby 5k race to see a girl he’d been trying to
date.
    Vidu
convinced his mild-mannered friend, Jim, to go with him. His other friend, Matt
– also known as Left-Nut because of a health issue caused by a lightning-strike
– decided to tag along uninvited. Left-Nut had struck out with the ladies
numerous times the night before and was seemingly in the mood to extend the
streak. He said he wanted to scout the local talent and that girls in spandex
would cure his hangover.
    Vidu was
unable to convince Left-Nut otherwise, and so minutes later the three men
exited the smelly apartment just in time to see their other friend, Charlie,
walking up the porch stairs.  He was barefoot, shirtless and sporting a
black eye. The balding substitute teacher was tightlipped about what had
happened, but after some prodding they convinced him to grab appropriate
clothing and go with them.
    They had a
long walk ahead of them, but it was a gorgeous summer morning – except for the
heat – and they knew some fresh air would do them all good. The group of
thirtysomethings had been friends since their fraternity days in college, and
the bachelor party was a good excuse for everyone involved to cut loose and
relive some of their glory days.
    For most of
the gang, the years since college had been unkind in a myriad of ways. Vidu was
desperately seeking citizenship, Charlie was living paycheck to paycheck while
losing his confidence, and Jim had gotten trapped underneath his overbearing
wife’s thumb. And then there was Left-Nut, who had more issues than Playboy .
    The friends
walked down picturesque Damen Avenue while Charlie begrudgingly filled them in
on his unsavory adventures. In summary, he’d unwittingly slept with a hooker,
didn’t have the money to pay, and fled the woman’s Polish pimp after getting
pummeled. So yeah, it had been one of those kinds of nights.
    After
receiving the obligatory round of shit-talking from his friends, Charlie
briefly returned fire with ample ammunition and then quickened his walking
pace, bringing the group to the finish line of the ongoing 5k charity race.
    Here they
waited for Julia, Vidu’s alleged love interest and first-time runner. He
assured them she would be crossing at any moment, but more and more people
finished the race and Julia wasn’t even in sight.
    Left-Nut
quickly got bored and decided to strike up conversations with several
attractive women, immediately earning threats of restraining orders and
ass-kickings. Nonplussed, he returned to his friends and shrugged. “Lesbians.
I’ve been running into a lot of them lately.”
    “Yeah, I’m
sure that’s what it was,” Charlie said, peering at the man’s “Orgasm Donor”
t-shirt while shaking his head. “Nice shirt, by the way. And you wonder why
girls look at you like a turd with frosting on it.”
    “Blow me.”
    Vidu ignored
his squabbling friends and rudely pushed his way to the front of the crowd,
stepping on toes and shoving children aside. Then he spotted his crush coming
down the road at a slow but steady pace. “Go, Julia!” he yelled. “You can do
it, you’re almost there.”
    Sweating
profusely, the chubby yet surprisingly attractive woman slowed down while
waving at her friend, happy for the support. Then, suddenly, a man burst from
the crowd and tackled her to the ground.
    Assuming it
was a mugging, Vidu ran to Julia’s aid, and although he was terrified, punched
the man square in the face. He reached back to hit the stranger again but
stopped mid-swing as the pain in his hand radiated outwards. Two of Vidu’s
fingers had been bitten clean off, and as he screamed in pain and horror,
several other men knocked him down hard. They instantly tore him to pieces
while the panicked crowd took off in every direction.
    On his stomach,
surrounded and helpless, Vidu could hear Charlie