Dollybird by Anne Lazurko

of sadness.
    â€œWell.” I closed my eyes against the tears threatening. “I don’t know. I thought you were different from the other girls, that you worked somewhere else. Maybe family money?” It sounded ridiculous.
    â€œHmmph.” Annie snorted. “Not all of us are so lucky.”
    I shrank back. “Wait a minute. I’ve got nothing from home. Nothing.”
    â€œYeah, but you know you can go back. When that baby is born...,” Annie gestured at my belly, “you can go back to Mommy and Daddy and all the comforts of home.”
    â€œI don’t know that I want to.”
    â€œWell, I don’t have the choice.” Annie’s glare dared me to argue. I lowered my eyes.
    â€œIt was the shock.” Shame filled my chest. Annie was the first person to react to me without judgment or dismissal, to give real comfort. Yet I’d been only marginally aware my friend might have her own sad story, and she might need compassion in return. I’d been frantically sorry for myself while Annie’s terrible reality moved on unnoticed and unacknowledged. I was not a good friend. Quietly, I went to the door and pulled her into the room.
    â€œHow do you manage...” I blushed and hurried on. “What about diseases? And so many women die in childbirth. It’s so dangerous for you.”
    â€œWe have our ways,” Annie shrugged. “Condoms made of linen or animal gut. And there’s a new thing called a womb veil. As though a veil is all it takes.” Her laugh was a short bark. “And I use a douche I make up in the kitchen.”
    I gasped then, like a little girl. How had my father kept such basic things from me?
    â€œLynn thought she was pregnant a few months back. We used pennyroyal to induce her.” She looked up then. “It’s okay, Moira. We all know what to do.”
    â€œBut Annie, is there nothing else you can do? Nowhere to go?”
    â€œNot that I know of.”
    â€œBut you’re smart and beautiful.”
    â€œWhat does that matter out here?” Annie was less angry, more resigned. “Look, I’ll be fine. I am what I am. I’m not unhappy.” A weak smile flitted across her face. “It’s not bliss. But mostly they treat me well.” At my flinch, she repeated, “But I’m not unhappy.”
    Hugging her, I whispered into her hair, “But I wish you could be blissfully happy.”
    â€œMaybe I choose not to be.”
    â€œI don’t know if it’s about choice.”
    â€œSure it is. Like right now.” Annie grinned. “You’re choosing to be my friend despite what you know.”
    â€œYes.”
    â€œBut you could choose differently and then you’d never know what I found.” She laughed mischievously. “I found a job for you.”
    â€œOh my goodness.” I could hardly breathe. “Where?”
    â€œYou could be a dollybird.”

CHAPTER 11
    i i i
    â€œWho knows, you might snag a husband along with the job.” The homestead officer’s name was Walter. He was dressed in a black suit and bow tie, a sheen worn into the knees of his pants, the collar of his white shirt slightly frayed and grey. My ears turned hot.
    â€œShe’s not looking for a husband.” Annie came to my rescue.
    â€œWell, with her condition and all, she might do worse.” Walter surveyed me with a calculating eye, as though I were a heifer he might be considering at the local fair.
    â€œI just need a place to see me through,” I said sternly. “Nothing else.”
    â€œWhatever you say.” He bowed ceremoniously. “I only need your name and particulars and we’ll do the paperwork. Won’t cost you a thing.”
    â€œOh, I’m sure it’ll cost somebody,” Annie murmured behind me.
    Walter forced a smile, looked out the dirty window of his small office and shuffled some papers on his desk. “I’ve only got