The Virginity Mission by Cate Ellink

pectoral muscle while I work up the courage to speak. I study the movement, not having the courage to look up. It’s like he’s here in the flesh but his mind has wandered away. It won’t be long until his body follows.
    â€œJason, it’s the second last night here and…I…umm…I’ve never done this before and I want to…with you. I won’t report you or anything.”
    My finger traces circles on his chest while we remain otherwise unmoving. I’m feeling like a bit of a leper. Every silent second my resolve wavers. Maybe he’s not interested in me. Have I read everything incorrectly? I thought we were getting it on, everything was good. Now, I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have told him my problem. I should have just left. I should have taken what I could—the kisses and touches—not wanted more.
    He tips his head back and his body tenses around me. “You’ve never had sex?” His voice is scarcely a whisper against my forehead.
    I shake my head. Too mortified to speak.
    â€œCould have fooled me.” He gives the tiniest of snorts from his nose. The air whooshes across my face. “So why me? Why now?” He sounds more confused than I feel.
    Oh, hell . How do I answer that? I pull back from his hug and try to draw on sanity. Honesty seems to be working for me, so I go with that. I don’t have anything else to offer.
    I rattle off the reasons, pointing to each finger on my raised hand as I list them. “The moment I saw you my body reacted. Twenty-one is far too old to never have had sex. This trip is my chance at breaking free, I want to take advantage of it. I don’t know.” I shrug, hands flapping, spraying water across us both. “I like you.” It sounds pathetic. I’m embarrassed I don’t have something better, more romantic, to tell him. How was I to know I had to dig into my emotions and make sense of them? I thought sex was purely physical.
    Jason pulls back, not enough so I’m rejected but enough so I notice and look up. He looks amused. “You bought me water because you thought I was hot, not sweaty hot?” His lips quirk up into that sexy grin that makes my knees weaken.
    I blush. I blush so red he has to be able to see it in the moonlight. I thought he was both, but hot first. I can’t believe I’ve told him. My body wants to shrivel up and disappear, starting from my stomach which is turning itself in knots right now.
    His palms lie flat against my flaming cheeks. “Just when I think I’ve got you figured out.” He’s laughing.
    I’m not. I’m sitting in a spa, held naked by an almost naked man, completely confused. Is he upset or pleased? Is this going to continue or stop? Have I totally ballsed up my chance of losing my virginity? What am I meant to say? What am I meant to do?
    â€œIs that good?” That’s my voice, squeaking out those words, sounding like I’m ready to break into tears or worse.
    â€œI don’t know, Chicken Shit.”
    His words enlighten me none, but his hands and his lips speak. His hands skim my body, never resting anywhere. His lips meet mine in tiny nibbling touches. At first I’m so confused I can’t forget enough to feel. Then my lips soften and his kiss deepens. His tongue flicks against my lips. His teeth nip them, then his lips soothe. He teases until I’m breathless with wanting. His lips catch mine in a deeper kiss but it’s not enough. I want that soul shattering passion we had before and it’s gone. This is sweeter, more emotionally tearing and I don’t know what it means. Is he going to tease me again and stop? Only one way to find out.
    I press my hands to his chest, slide them across his stomach before trying to capture his hips. He angles out of my reach. The frustration is never-ending. I want what we had before. I want the hot, mindless, roaring inferno. I