Happy Kids: The Secrets to Raising Well-Behaved, Contented Children by Cathy Glass

don’t mention other children’s exam or test results, or dwell on their achievements –
‘Jasmine did so well getting her grade five in ballet’
or ‘I
hear Sanjith is top of the class again.’
Pointing out excellence when your child may be struggling will undermine your child’s confidence and make him or her less likely to try new activities and skills. Praise your child for what he or she has achieved, even if it falls a long way short of what others have achieved and what you aspire to for your child. Your child has tried his or her best, and remember children shine in different ways.
Peer pressure – yours
    When parents get together they like nothing more than to talk about their children – their offspring’s achievements and how they, the parents, successfully manage their children’s behaviour. It is natural for parents to do so: we are incredibly proud of what we cherish most, and we have been trumpeting our children’s achievements since they were babies. Pooling child-rearing experience can be useful, but don’t be swayed or intimidated by what you hear. I sometimes cringe when I hear a group of mothers (mothers do it more than fathers) expounding their brand of child rearing as being the only way, proved by the exemplary behaviour of their offspring.
    If you have managed your child successfully until this age there is no reason to change your rules and guidelines unless you feel something might work better. There will already be additional pressure on you and your child at this age, as he or she approaches secondary school; make sure you don’t add to it by being persuaded into something by your peer group. The same applies to advice from any other well-meaning adult – friend or relative: you decide how to bring up your child, and if your strategies are working, stay with them.
Child overload
    There are an incredible number of opportunities for children in modern-day affluent societies to learn all manner of skills and indulge in many hobbies – ballet, football, gym, ice-skating, piano, violin lessons, etc. But sometimes parents, wanting their children to be accomplished, sign them up for a ridiculously high number of activities, as well as expecting them to achieve academically. It is often the professional middle classes (with the income) who turn their children into performing seals, ferrying them every evening from one club or activity to another, with barely a breathing space in between.
    I’m not saying ballet or piano lessons are going to turn your child into a juvenile delinquent, but make sure you don’t overload your child and have unattainably high goals. Clubs and activities should be fun for your child, and for your child’s personal accomplishment and pleasure, not a merit badge for you to pin to your coat to show others.
    One close friend of mine, who had waited a long time to have her child, did what she thought was best by enrolling her daughter in virtually everything that was available from a very early age. As soon as the child could walk she was attending tumble tots, ballet, gym, swimming and trampoline classes, and by the time she had started school, piano, violin and trumpet lessons had been added, tucked in between various clubs and after-school activities, and home tuition in English, French and Maths. My friend genuinely believed she was giving her daughter the best start in life by providing her with all the opportunities she herself hadn’t had as a child. Rewards were given as incentives for obtaining grades and badges and passing exams; and the pressure on the child, while not obvious at the time, must have been enormous.
    I remember feeling something of a failure for not providing my children with all the opportunities my friend’s daughter had, but by the age of ten her daughter was becoming very difficult and challenging in her behaviour. By the age of fourteen she had completely rebelled and was doing anything and everything that would upset or hurt her