Revoltingly Young by C.D. Payne

Witherspoon, I kid you not. It turns out they have a standing date for breakfast on Wednesdays. That’s the only time she could pin him down. Hard to believe. If she were my girlfriend, I’d be clearing my calendar months in advance. Wylie fancies herself a cook. She made us both cinnamon toast. I was looking forward to the accompanying dishes, but her menu stopped there. Wylie’s future husband may be dining out frequently–not that he’ll care. While we nibbled our toast, Wylie chastised me for not calling Awanee for two entire days. I pointed out that in fact I’ve never telephoned that girl.
    “ And may I ask why not?” she demanded. “Awanee likes you a lot.”
    “ Well, I’m leaving in a few days. I live about 700 miles away in another state. God knows when I’ll ever be back. And nobody’s yet invented a way to have sex over the phone.”
    “ What are you saying?” demanded Wylie, perhaps not the most perceptive of chicks.
    I spelled it out for her. “This relationship is doomed!”
    “ You guys are so unromantic,” she sighed. “Kiss me, Tyler.”
    He did. What a breakfast that guy had. I don’t know about him, but after she left I had to return to the trailer for some pressure relief work.
    7:43 p.m. I spent the day with Veeva in West Hollywood. Sister Joan dropped me off at this immense building on Melrose the locals call the Blue Whale. Its real name is the Pacific Design Center, and it’s Veeva’s constant haunt. A couple of hundred showrooms featuring edgy furnishings you won’t find at your local Wal-Mart. Looked like the kind of place kids would get tossed out of, but everyone seemed happy to see Veeva. A real ordeal for the feet. We trooped all over, scouting for accessories, smirking at the gaucheries, and revisiting all those tempting pieces she had to forego for space or budget reasons. It’s a shocking crime that Veeva had only $75,000 to spend on her room makeover. I pointed out that sum would buy five trailers on my road and probably the occupants as well.
    “ But I don’t want five trailers,” she replied. “I just want a room that won’t embarrass me when I invite my friends over. You have no idea what a joke my budget was. When I first started on my project, some of the snootier showrooms suggested I try looking at IKEA.”
    “ How mortifying for you.”
    She ignored the sarcasm. “Well, the shoe was on the other foot when I informed them who my mother was. They changed their tune in a hurry.”
    I made a mental note to mention Connie Saunders the next time I needed to impress a decorator.
    After grinding our feet down to the bone, we had a late lunch in the Blue Whale’s trendy restaurant. Veeva said she would pay as long as I didn’t order anything “that walked or swam.” She forgot to exclude “slithered,” but there was no snake or lizard on the menu. We both had Caesar salads with grilled asparagus. Tasty if not exactly filling. I was so ready for a burger too.
    While munching our salads, Veeva casually inquired if Tyler had a girlfriend.
    “ No, Tyler does not have a girlfriend,” I replied. “He has about 37 girlfriends. For example, he breakfasted this morning with Wylie, who looks like a fresh-faced Reese Witherspoon.”
    “ You lie.”
    “ I don’t lie.”
    “ His parents let her sleep over?”
    “ No, she drops by at 9 a.m. every Wednesday. Tyler has promised his mom he won’t have sex until he’s 16. Now me, I have taken no such vow of chastity.”
    “ And how many girlfriends do you have?”
    “ Well, locally I’m only breaking one heart at the moment. But I just blew into town late Friday.”
    “ And how about in–what’s the name of your little town?”
    “ Winnemucca. It’s an Indian name meaning ‘bored out of my skull.’ Well, I have this chick there I was putting the moves on.”
    “ But she dumped you?”
    “ I’d rather not discuss it. So how many guys have you slept with?”
    “ None so far, but I have