Screw Loose by Chris Wheat

have felt like a real gayboy. Georgia is so gutsy. I like a gutsy girl.’
    â€˜ Que sera sera .’
    Angelo moved on. ‘Like I said, it’s Zeynep.’
    Joshua composed himself. Act the sympathetic, authoritative psychiatrist. Let him do all the talking and nod a lot . Joshua had been to a psychiatrist, Daniel, a friend of his parents, twice after he’d told his parents he was gay – so he knew something about the psychiatric approach. How appropriate would it be to ask Angelo to lie down on the bed, close his eyes and try free association – release his deepest anxieties and concerns about Zeynep in a safe, nurturing environment to a friend who only had his best interests at heart?
    Probably not very. Josh sat down on his bed.
    â€˜I know Zey is a bit insane and stuff,’ Angelo said.
    â€˜A little.’
    Angelo flashed him a sour look. ‘Don’t agree, man. She used to be your girlfriend too, remember.’
    Josh was silent: this was the psychiatric style – even when the patient was illogical.
    Staring through the window into the park, Angelo moaned, ‘But I really, really like her, Josh. More than I used to like Georgia.’ He turned his worried eyes towards the mirror and they caught one another’s gaze in the reflection. It was weirdly embarrassing.
    â€˜Is it the same as when you really, really liked Georgia?’
    Joshua asked.
    Angelo’s eyes blazed. ‘I wanted to jump up and punch Dunny out for embarrassing her like that.’
    â€˜He embarrassed me, too,’ Joshua reminded him.
    â€˜I reckon. I wouldn’t want Dunny telling the whole school I was a homo.’
    â€˜But you’re not.’
    â€˜Thank God.’
    â€˜Right … So what’s the problem with Zey, exactly?’
    â€˜The club wants me to get rid of her. They reckon she’s crazy.
    They asked if she was a lap dancer.’
    â€˜What?’ Joshua laughed and so did Angelo. ‘Zeynep? When hell freezes over. That’s the last thing Zeynep would ever be.’
    â€˜It’s because she called herself Candibelle Brown to that reporter. They reckon that sounds like a lap dancer’s name.
    You saw the paper?’
    Of course he had. He’d cut out the photo and put it in the cover of Encyclopaedia Britannica Vol. 3 with all the others.
    Joshua laughed again. ‘Yeah, I think I did. So the club wants you to give her up?’ He lay back on his bed, then sat up immediately.
    â€˜They reckon she’s a loose cannon.’
    â€˜A loose cannon? She is. But that’s why you like her.’
    â€˜She washed my damned shoelaces.’ Angelo flung himself into Josh’s desk chair. ‘Clean and neat is kind of attractive. But then she sticks me in her laundry cupboard.’ He slapped his chest. ‘I mean, this is Angelo Tarano. I don’t get put in cupboards. Don’t tell anyone, okay Josh?’
    â€˜No way.’
    Joshua looked around the room. It wasn’t that neat or clean, just highly scented. His eyes flashed to the wardrobe. Don’t even think about it!
    â€˜She could wear that hijab thing and a veil when she’s with me, so the Cockies couldn’t tell it was her. But I need to see the whole face because – you know. Anyway, people might think I was a Muslim, whereas I’m a Catholic – I think.’
    â€˜You are a Catholic. But what’s wrong with people thinking you’re Muslim?’
    Angelo was silent, then he shrugged. He was up staring at himself in the mirror again. ‘Nothing, I guess. In a way it’s sexy even if it’s supposed to be non-sexy, that hijab – having your girlfriend, like, wrapped up, and only you know what’s underneath.’ He was quiet again, staring into space. ‘I’m getting a bit kinky.’
    â€˜Really?’
    Angelo flopped down beside Josh on the bed. ‘You know she’s got a great body.’ Then he groaned.