Fault Line by Christa Desir

couldn’t be seen. I fumbled from my clothes and pulled on a pair of trunks I always kept in my car. No goggles, but it didn’t matter. My eyes stung already from the pressure of tears. I plunged into an empty lane of the pool and swam until I could barely lift my arms anymore. No steady rhythm, more a driving force that pushed me past feeling. I barely took breaths, just pumped and kicked and swam more.
    When every muscle shook in pain, I dragged myself out of the water and sat on the edge staring at the T-shaped lines on the bottom for what might have been hours. Huddled back in the corner of the locker room, I texted Ani but she didn’t answer. Everything hurt and I didn’t know what to do to make it better. So I drove home and went to bed without speaking to anyone.

12
    Ani didn’t show up for school on Monday. My phone pinged as I choked down frozen waffles and ignored Michael’s humming at the breakfast table.
    I’m not ready to face school yet. My mom called in sick for me.
    I texted back: I’ll be w/ u the whole time.
    I know. I need a few more days.
    I replied: I love you.
    Me too.
    I stared at the screen until my eyes watered. Michael finally thumped me on the back and dragged me to the car, whining about needing to get to school early.
    I parked the Jeep two blocks from school and walked slowly to the entrance, stepping on the laces of the shoes I hadn’t bothered to tie. There were people everywhere. Too-loud talking and too much touching. Everyone seemed to be touching each other. I couldn’t stop looking at hands. I couldn’t escape them. I wanted to crawl inside myself and disappear.
    I moved numbly to my classes, ignoring the people around me. By ten o’clock that morning, I was glad Ani didn’t make it in.
    My head ached from staring too long at the fluorescent lights. I stumbled as I reached my locker before English. I leaned over to tie my shoe and heard it.
    “Firecrotch.”
    The voice came from behind me, not meant for my ears, but paralyzing me all the same.
    I moved quickly, eating up the distance between me and the two junior guys who’d been talking.
    “What? What did you say?”
    “Dude, chill.”
    “No. What did you say?” Blood pumped violently through me.
    “We were just talking about some chick at a party.”
    My elbow slammed him into a locker. “What. Did. You. Say?”
    His bugged-out, panicky eyes glanced behind me to his friend. “I was talking about a chick who got off in front of a bunch of guys at a party. She fucked a lighter so everyone’s calling her Firecrotch.”
    My body flooded with anger. I shook my head. This wasn’t happening. How did people know already? My heart beat so loud I barely registered the guys’ voices. The one behind me pulled me back. He grabbed his friend and they mumbled to each other. Finally one of them looked me over and shook his head sadly.
    “She’s yours, huh? Sorry, man. That sucks.”
    I pushed my way out of the building and started walking toward the track. She fucked a lighter . No. No. She couldn’t have. Even if someone gave her roofies. Even if she did a table dance. Even if she did say she was going to get with a bunch of guys. Pressure built in my lungs. My throat was clogged with anger and disgust and a wad of sadness I couldn’t breathe past. Everything blurred.
    “Beez,” a voice called, but I ignored it and walked faster.
    Running footsteps caught up to me and I finally turned. I wanted to beat the hell out of someone. Kate stepped back when she saw my face.
    “You’ve heard what people are saying,” she said.
    I nodded and shoved my hands into my pockets.
    “I didn’t tell anyone.”
    I nodded again.
    “But you know there were a lot of people at that party. . . .”
    I held up my hand. I closed my eyes and forced myself to ask the question I’d been worrying over since I’d dropped Ani off from the hospital. “How many guys? How many do you think there were?”
    Kate shook her head and took a half step