I Made You My First by Ciara Threadgoode

hand and looked at his face.  He smiled at me.  “Promise,” he said.  
    I set my coffee on the table and grabbed the top of my robe tightly.   “Thanks,” I said.  He looked at me with an apologetic face.  
    He placed his finger under my chin, lifting my eyes to his.   “No problem, Pepper,” his smile gentle.  I laughed.   Pepper the Porn Star, that was kinda funny , I thought.  He moved his finger from my face and sat back on the sofa.  I watched him sit all the way back, as if he planned to stay awhile.  Releasing my robe with my hand, I pushed myself back into the sofa too and turned toward him.  
    I decided that maybe I’d ask him what he meant last night, maybe let him explain what he’d said by the fountain.  “Irish, last night, after well, you know…what almost happened.”  He focused on my face now and though his lips were turned up a little, he wasn’t smiling anymore. He was giving me his full attention.  
    “You said that you wanted it to be special, something that we’d look back on…”  I nervously looked down in front of me “…as one of the best days of our lives.”  Neither of us moved.  
    I looked up and into his eyes, “What did you mean by that, exactly?”  
    He had a sweet smile on his face now, almost as if he knew how hard that must’ve been for me to get out.  “Jurnee, I just want it to be something you want to remember because of the incredible way you make me feel.  I want you to have those same feelings for me; I want you to feel the same way that you make me feel when I’m with you, or I’m thinking about you, or seeing you.”  He turned his body toward me.  “I don’t want to do it , as you said.”  And he paused thoughtfully, “and then you go away.  Jurnee, the last thing I want to do is freak you out, but I know I have it bad for you, and sometimes it scares the crap out of me. I realize that I don’t want you ever not to be in my life. Just the thought of that ever happening physically hurts me.” 
    I couldn’t imagine what my face looked like at that moment, but I  felt a huge chill go through my body and I felt the goose bumps on my arms.  He reached over and playfully pulled the towel down from my head and I felt my wet hair fall around my face.   We were meant to be together, at least in his assessment .
    He smiled at me.   “I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone like you, Miss Jurnee Ciara, and I don’t…no I absolutely won’t mess this up.”  His voice was warm and alluring at the same time.  He was going to make me cry. His expectations of me now somehow felt like some kind of pressure. An expectation that I was sure I couldn’t live up to. He reached his hand out, palm up on the sofa between us.  
    I reached for his hand.  “You know, Irish, I haven’t had anything that even resembled a real date in probably...” and my eyes darted to the ceiling trying to think, “…more than three years now.”  He looked me in the face so sweetly like I’d just proposed to him or something, “and so I’m probably going to let you down, hard, whenever we do get the opportunity to do it .”  With some difficulty I gave him a half smile. The reality of my words was shredding my confidence. He perked up. 
    “I really doubt that, Jurnee,” he said, giving me a little wink.   “You really don’t understand, do you? Of the millions of women in this world, my heart only loves you. I can’t find anyone out there like you,” he paused and my eyes stared anxiously into his as I tried to absorb this unearned respect he held for me. “And believe me, I’ve looked. I don’t want to look anymore. I want to do this the right way. I want to date you. I want you to fall as ardently for me as I have for you.”   I pulled his hand, gently placing it on my bare knee.  He tilted his head and gave me a sly grin.  “Jurnee, this isn’t fair, you know that, don’t you?”  I smiled back and he squirmed a