Julius Katz Mysteries by Dave Zeltserman

arrest and that Julius’s tactics would not be tolerated this time.
    Julius grew very still for as much as twenty seconds, his features marble hard. I guess he was realizing that none of this was a prank after all. Then he was back to his normal self, with his poker face firmly intact as he first locked his computer screen, then got up to answer the front door. On the way, I gave him the names and brief work histories of the other police officers waiting with Cramer, but Julius didn’t seem interested. When he opened the door to let Cramer in, the police detective shoved an arrest warrant inches from Julius’s face while he and the other officers bulled their way into Julius’s townhouse. Julius stepped aside and didn’t put up any resistance, but I knew that he wasn’t happy about this intrusion into his home even if he gave no evidence of it from his demeanor, which appeared only subdued and compliant.
    “Where is he?” Cramer demanded, red-faced. His hair had become more sparse since the last time we’d seen him and looked in the same sort of disarray as if he had just come out of a windstorm. “Your assistant, Archie Smith! Katz, I have a warrant for his arrest for the murder of Denise Penny, and I’m not about to put up with any of your games!”
    Julius was in a quandary. He could clear all this up by demonstrating to Cramer how I was an inanimate object incapable of committing murder, at least physically. Theoretically, I could murder by hiring a killer and transferring large sums of moneys to that killer’s account, but I knew that wasn’t what Cramer was accusing me of, since I had seen the arrest warrant that had been filed, and besides, the programming of my neuron network prevented me from performing any such criminal act, even if I was so inclined to act in that sort of sociopathic manner, which I wasn’t. The problem was if Julius did explain what I was to Cramer, the consequences would not be pleasant. I don’t know where Julius acquired me from, but so far my existence has been kept quiet. If word got out about me, both government and private organizations would be after me for study and for other activities. Also, it would be an embarrassment to Julius. While Julius has always provided the real genius in solving his cases, with me doing little more than mundane grunt work and information gathering, there would be people in the media who would take delight in using me to discredit Julius and his accomplishments. I found myself experiencing what would have to be a similar sensation to anxiousness as I waited to see how Julius would answer Cramer, realizing how much I didn’t want the true nature of my existence disclosed. It only took Julius a few seconds to respond to Cramer, but I felt every processing cycle tick by as if they were an eternity.
    “I can assure you, Detective, that you will not find Archie within these premises, just as I can assure you he had nothing to do with Ms. Denise Penny’s murder.”
    Cramer damn near spit nails as he glared at Julius. “If you’re hiding him, so help me I’ll have you arrested as an accessory after the fact! Where’s his bedroom?”
    “Archie doesn’t reside here,” Julius said straight-faced, which of course was a lie since Julius each night placed me on top of his dresser. In the past before he had started dating Lily Rosten, he’d also put me away in his sock drawer whenever he’d have a woman guest staying overnight. Julius’s response only made Cramer’s face redder, and the detective pushed past Julius without bothering to comment. The other police officers followed Cramer in his search. While these men banged closet doors and stomped along the polished hardwood floors on both the first and second levels of the townhouse, Julius left them alone to make a pot of coffee in his kitchen. The coffee was still brewing when Cramer entered to demand that Julius unlock the door to his cellar.
    “You won’t find Archie there,” Julius said