Alien Diplomacy by Gini Koch

Pierre.”
    I got Jamie out and let Pierre hold her. She cooed and giggled. “So, Pierre, not that I’m in any way unhappy to see you, but what are you doing here? We’re a long way from Vegas. Are you vacationing or something?”
    Pierre made a goo-goo face at Jamie, then looked over to me. “Darling. Please. Jimmy explained all about your new mission and how you and your compadres are not, shall we say, managing as well as we could hope.”
    “I’m kind of screwing up constantly, yeah.”
    Pierre snorted. “I doubt you’re anything but practically perfect in every way, darling. Besides, from what Jimmy said, you weren’t the one who planned the little soirée that went so very wrong.”
    “Oh. Right. Yeah.” Mr. Joel Oliver looked like he knew aboutthis, but the boys looked confused. “Amy threw a little party for our Embassy neighbors, just to sort of say hi.”
    “What’s wrong with that?” Kyle asked.
    Pierre coughed. “Your lovely Embassy is friendly with all, as I understand it. Your neighbors are not so openhearted.”
    “Apparently Latvia, Romania, and Egypt aren’t really speaking to each other right now, and everyone’s upset with Ireland for something. The folks from Luxembourg were really supportive, though.”
    “As I understand it, fisticuffs were exchanged,” Pierre said flatly.
    “There was a small brawl, yes. We were able to save the good china and crystal.” Only because Jeff, Christopher, and Doreen had all used hyperspeed, but that wasn’t important now. Besides, no one had noticed. They were too busy cheering for whichever side of the fight they felt they were on.
    “First fight of the year,” Oliver confirmed. “You started off in style.”
    “They’re all really nice people, though. I don’t get why they got upset.”
    “Too much alcohol, wrong foods being served, no understanding of the current relationship crises, unawareness of the variety of dalliances, forgot to invite several nearby and considered ‘in your neighborhood’ diplomats.” Pierre rattled this off as if he were making a shopping list while the boys got the stroller into the car, confirmed the new car seat was securely fastened, and helped me lock and load Jamie into it. “I could go on.”
    “Please don’t. Again, why are you here?”
    Len got into the driver’s seat, Pierre and I sat on either side of Jamie, with Oliver across from us, Kyle closed the door, got into the shotgun seat, and Len pulled away from the curb. The other limo followed us, the two human agents in the front seat, the A-Cs filling up the back to capacity. I hadn’t been in a limo parade since Operation Fugly. I enjoyed the nostalgic moment.
    Pierre looked at me as if it were obvious. “Darling, I’m your newest employee.”
    “Excuse me?”
    “I’m the new Majordomo Concierge for the American Centaurion Embassy and its Diplomatic Corps.”
    My jaw dropped. “We have such a position?”
    “You do now,” Pierre said. He leaned forward and handed Oliver a piece of paper and indicated he should hand it to Kyle, which Oliver obediently did. “Len, darling, please head us to the address Kyle now holds in his big man-hands, if you’d be so kind.”
    Len nodded with a grin, Kyle grunted and I noted he was blushing again, and we headed off. “Where are we going?” I asked as Pierre tickled Jamie.
    “Directly to a designer, darling.” He shook his head. “Appalling, that a dignitary of your level was actually going to grace a chain establishment with your presence, let alone your money.”
    “I have a level?”
    “You do, darling, you do.” Pierre heaved a sigh—of contentment, I was pretty sure. “And now that I’m here, we’re going to ensure you’re aware of where and what it is, and then I’ll handle all the little details while you and your Jeff get to relax and actually enjoy being attached to the exciting mission that is now yours to have and to hold.”
    Oliver leaned forward and shook Pierre’s hand