The Sinister Mr. Corpse by Jeff Strand

you're looking a lot better than when
I saw you last!"
    "Thanks."
    "You've got some pretty good lungs for a dead
guy. Anyway, just relax. The interview will be done before you know
it."
    The director ushered Donald aside, and so
Stanley resumed his fidgeting. It had never really occurred to him
before that this was his chance not to be a complete outcast in the
world. He was, after all, a zombie. A dead guy. A freak. If the
public didn't like him, he could end up in a circus, shouting
"Booga-booga!" at people for fifty cents a head. Or living in the
bunker forever, with nothing to look forward to except the next
ghastly medical experiment performed upon him.
    He had to make a good impression. Not for
that creep Brant, but for himself. Hell, if he made enough money
off of his newfound celebrity, he could pay for his own damn
injections and live wherever he wanted.
    Witty and charming...grateful to be
alive...chuckle at Donald's crappy jokes...
    Donald sat down in his own brown chair across
from Stanley. "Everything okay?"
    "Everything's great."
    "Outstanding."
    Stanley closed his eyes and
visualized himself giving an amazing interview, one that professors
would be teaching to students for centuries to come ("Now that , class, is how a
zombie should give an interview!"). Then he visualized Veronica
naked again, just because it was an enjoyable visual.
     
    * * *
     
    Brant hadn't felt this
queasy since...well, since the resurrection. It was crucial that
Stanley be likable; the project was controversial enough without
the end product being disagreeable to the general public. There
were plenty of "bad boy" celebrities, but they had some leeway from
audiences in that they were usually physically attractive and had
never been dead. If people were repulsed by Stanley's
appearance and his
personality, the money just wouldn't materialize.
    Still, he wondered if it had been a bad idea
to take such severe measures with Stanley so soon. He never wanted
to be a cruel person, but it wasn't like he could simply run out
and resurrect another, less annoying cadaver. He wasn't happy that
it was Dabernath who met the conditions for resurrection, but he
had to play the hand he was dealt. Unfortunately, he'd received a
joker, and so he had to be heartless.
    And if Dabernath botched the
interview tonight, Brant could be much more heartless.
     
    * * *
     
    Some uncatchy theme music
began to play, and Stanley watched on the large monitor as
" THE AMAZING MR. CORPSE - THE LIVE
INTERVIEW " appeared. Snazzy logo, using a
skull in place of the letter "O." This was followed by
" WITH DONALD MANDIGAN ." Donald's "O" wasn't a skull.
    Donald turned to the camera closest to him.
"Hello, I'm Donald Mandigan. This week, a record number of
households witnessed the live resurrection of Mr. Stanley
Dabernath, the Amazing Mr. Corpse. When he first returned to the
world of the living, he looked like this."
    The image on the monitor switched to Stanley
in his underwear, sitting up and shrieking. The bad words were
bleeped out.
    "Following that, The Amazing Mr. Corpse gave
a press conference. I'm sure you know the results."
    The image shifted to Stanley
getting shot in the chest. Damn , thought Stanley. I look like a complete sissy.
    The image switched back to Donald. "But now,
Mr. Corpse is sitting right in front of me, and I have to say, he
looks just fine. Welcome, Stanley."
    "Thanks, Donald," said Stanley, a bit
surprised by the squeak in his voice. "Glad to be here."
    "Tell me about the underground bunker where
you've been living since you started living again. How are your
accommodations?"
    "They're okay."
    Be quotable, damn it! Quotable!
    "This is our first time to actually get to
sit down and talk. Tell me, when you look at the video of your
resurrection, how does it make you feel?"
    "It's kind of embarrassing, actually,"
Stanley admitted. "Now I know how celebrities feel when talk show
hosts show really bad clips from early in their careers. I just
want to