The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie

here.”
    “So?” Jezal had little enthusiasm for hearing about the Major’s sister. West might have pulled himself up, but the rest of his family were distinctly beneath Jezal’s notice. He was interested in meeting poor, common girls he could take advantage of, and rich, noble ones he might think about marrying. Anything in between was of no importance.
    “Well, my sister can be charming but she is also a little… unconventional. She can be something of a handful in the wrong mood. Truth be told, I’d prefer to take care of a pack of Northmen than her.”
    “Come now, West,” said Jezal absently, hardly taking any notice of what he was saying, “I’m sure she can’t be that difficult.”
    The Major brightened. “Well, I’m relieved to hear you say that. She’s always been keen to see the Agriont for herself, and I’ve been saying for years that I’d give her a tour if she ever came here. We’d arranged it for today in fact.” Jezal had a sinking feeling. “Now, with this meeting—”
    “But I have so little time these days!” whinged Jezal.
    “I promise I’ll make it up to you. We’ll meet you at my quarters in an hour.”
    “Hold on…” But West was already striding away.

    Don’t let her be too ugly, Jezal was thinking as he slowly approached the door to Major West’s quarters and raised his unwilling fist to knock. Just don’t let her be too ugly. And not too stupid either. Anything but an afternoon wasted on a stupid girl. His hand was halfway to the door when he became aware of raised voices on the other side. He stood guiltily in the corridor, his ear drawing closer and closer to the wood, hoping to hear something complimentary about himself.
    “…and what about your maid?” came Major West’s muffled voice, sounding greatly annoyed.
    “I had to leave her at the house, there was a lot to do. Nobody’s been there in months.” West’s sister. Jezal’s heart sank. A deep voice, she sounded like a fat one. Jezal couldn’t afford to be seen walking about the Agriont with a fat girl on his arm. It could ruin his reputation.
    “But you can’t just wander about the city on your own!”
    “I got here alright, didn’t I? You’re forgetting who we are, Collem. I can make do without a servant. To most of the people here I’m no better than a servant anyway. Besides, I’ll have your friend Captain Luthar to look after me.”
    “That’s even worse, as you damn well know!”
    “Well I wasn’t to know that you’d be busy. I would’ve thought you’d make the time to see your own sister.” She didn’t sound an idiot, which was something, but fat and now peevish too. “Aren’t I safe with your friend?”
    “He’s a good enough sort, but is he safe with you?” Jezal wasn’t sure what the Major meant by that little comment. “And walking about the Agriont alone, and with a man you hardly know? Don’t play the fool, I know you better than that! What will people think?”
    “Shit on what they think.” Jezal jerked away from the door. He wasn’t used to hearing ladies use that sort of language. Fat, peevish and coarse, damn it. This might be even worse than he’d feared. He looked up the corridor, considering making a run for it, already working out his excuse. Curse his bad luck, though, someone was coming up the stairs now. He couldn’t leave without being seen. He would just have to knock and get it over with. He gritted his teeth and pounded resentfully at the door.
    The voices stopped suddenly, and Jezal put on an unconvincing friendly grin. Let the torture begin. The door swung open.
    For some reason, he had been expecting a kind of shorter, fatter version of Major West, in a dress. He had been greatly mistaken. She was perhaps slightly fuller of figure than was strictly fashionable, since skinny girls were all the rage, but you couldn’t call her fat, not fat at all. She had dark hair, dark skin, a little darker than would generally be thought ideal. He knew that a