Karen D. Badger - Yesterday Once More by Karen D. Badger

really sucked. It started out okay. I went to class and then drove Mom and Dad to the airport. They flew to Florida today to make sure their condo is in order before moving down there for the winter. I had just gotten home and changed my clothes when Jess arrived. The second she realized I had the house to myself, she was all over me. She ridiculed me for being a twenty-two-year-old virgin. She thinks it’s odd that I’ve known about my sexuality for six years now but have yet to have sex with a woman. Hello? Just because I knew at age sixteen that I liked girls doesn’t mean I want to jump into bed with every lesbian I meet. I just haven’t found the right one yet. Giving myself to someone is a sacred thing for me. It has to be the right someone, and Jess just isn’t it.
    Anyway, Jess wouldn’t take no for an answer. She got pretty rough and pinned me against the fireplace, and then she tore my shirt open. Before I knew what was happening, she’d wrestled me to the floor and started groping me. I thought she was going to rape me right there and then, but all of a sudden, she got a really bad cramp in her calf muscle and let go of me.”

    Jordan said excitedly, “That cramp! That was me digging my nails into her calf.”
    “Jordan,” Kale said carefully, “listen to yourself. This happened almost one hundred years ago. You couldn’t have been there to influence the attack. I’m ready to admit there is something odd going on here, but we need to be realistic about this.”
    “I was there. I know I was. Look, I can’t explain it.” A silence descended over them as they lay side by side on their backs looking at the ceiling. Their reverie was broken by Jordan’s body shaking as she sobbed.
    Kale tossed the diary onto the nightstand and took her into his arms. “Please don’t cry.”
    Jordan burrowed her face into Kale’s shoulder. She gasped for breath. “I feel so helpless. She died so young. Why? Why did she have to die? She was my age, Kale. She had so much life yet to live. My heart is breaking for her. It’s just not right.” Jordan’s shoulders shook violently as Kale held her close.
    “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Let it out, baby. I’ve got you.”
    Several long minutes later, Jordan relaxed in his arms. He loosened his grip on her. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.
    Jordan took a deep breath and nodded. A shudder ran through her body. “What’s wrong with me? I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
    “You’re not losing your mind, Jordan. You just have the softest heart of anyone I know.”
    Jordan started to cry again. “I swore I would never let myself feel like this again. After Susan left me, I vowed never to open my heart again.”
    “Talk to me about Susan.”
    Jordan wiped the tears from her eyes. “There’s not much to tell that you don’t already know. She was a nurse at the physical therapy office.”
    “I have to be honest with you. I didn’t like her very much. I watched her pretty much run your life for two years. I guess I don’t know what you saw in her.”
    “It wasn’t as bad as all that. In the beginning, she made me feel special. I’m disabled—my dating opportunities are pretty limited. There aren’t many women out there interested in a relationship with me. Susan was different. Who’d have thought she liked me being dependent on her? As you know, she split after the first implant was successful. She broke my heart. I loved her, I needed her, and she deserted me. So I decided to never open myself up to that kind of hurt again.”
    “Never say never, Jord. There’s someone out there for you, someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.”
    “I don’t know. Look at me. I’m infatuated with a ghost.”
    “Come here, you,” Kale said.
    Jordan snuggled into his shoulder. Kale pulled the blanket over them both and kissed Jordan on the temple. “Go to sleep, Jordan.”
    Within moments, they were both snoring softly.

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