Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game by Katie Ashley

propped the guitar on my
thigh and adjusted the microphone. I drew in a ragged breath—trying
to fill my lungs and steady my already out of control nerves. The
irony that I was singing a song by a band who had lost members in a
fiery plane crash wasn’t lost on me.
    As I strummed the opening chords, I could almost see
Jake in my mind—lighter in hand and a wide grin on his face.
“ FREE BIRD !” his voice screamed in my mind.
    I pinched my eyes shut—fighting back the tears. I
willed myself to focus on the chords—they were the only things
keeping the melody and my sanity in check.
    “ If I leave here tomorrow, would you still
remember me?” I sang. While the words flowed out of my mouth, I
detached from the crowd and even myself. I wasn’t singing in front
of a mass audience. I was somewhere else like in a weird out of
body experience. It was truly freeing, and it was the only way I
think I would have ever gotten through that song.
    After I finished, the last chord still echoed off the
walls. It was kinda an awkward moment because I don’t think people
knew what to do. Should they applaud? Wouldn’t that be
disrespectful? In the end, I just eased the guitar back onto the
holder at the edge of the pulpit and went back to my seat. Alex
gave me a reassuring smile and thumbs up sign. I mouthed a quick
thanks.
    After I got settled, Pastor Dan stood up again. “I’ve
been asked by the Nelson family to say a few words about Jake. You
know, it’s never an easy thing delivering a eulogy, especially for
one so young. Jake and I came to know each other under some
interesting circumstances,” Pastor Dan paused and smiled as a
murmur of laughter rang through the crowd. Everyone remembered that
a drunken ride on a lawnmower had brought the pastor and the hell
raiser together.
    “But I have to say the Jake I knew was quite a
remarkable young man. During those two years, I saw him grow and
change. He was truly evolving into a spiritual warrior.”
    I slowly swiveled my head to look at Alex. He wore
the same dumbfounded expression on his face as I did. Did Pastor
Dan know the same Jake we did? Jake a spiritual warrior? He was
more a Viking warrior—you know, pillaging and raping through
villages. But with Jake, all of his women came willingly.
    Yeah, it was true in the last few weeks that Jake
appeared to be changing, but it would be hard for me to say I saw
some ‘spiritual warrior’ in him.
    Pastor Dan continued on. “I’ll never forget the
smiles he brought to the faces of the children on the Pediatric
Oncology floor, or the pride he felt when he helped rebuild homes
in Mississippi damaged by terrible storms.”
    I turned back to Alex. “What the hell? He told me he
went to Mississippi to hook up with this college girl he’d met
through Jason,” I whispered.
    Alex nodded. “Same here.”
    I didn’t dare look around at the other guys. I knew
they were all experiencing the same “WTF?” moment I was, and if I
saw their faces, I might lose it and start laughing
hysterically.
    Admittedly, in the last six weeks Jake had suggested
he was turning over a new leaf. Making a vow to give up drinking
and partying was one thing. But to work with sick kids on the
cancer floor and rebuild homes in Louisiana was completely out of
my realm of understanding and belief.
    Pastor Dan did manage to hit upon some “truthful”
things about Jake. He mentioned his gift at sports, his charming
smile, and his ability to make girls swoon. I guess saying swoon
was as g-rated as Pastor Dan could make it. I guess deep down he
knew that Jake was a manwhore, but I’m pretty sure he would never
admit it. I’m not sure why he ever let a guy like Jake spend so
much time with his very unworldly daughter.
    “And now, Mr. and Mrs. Nelson have asked my daughter,
Maddie, and myself to sing Go Rest High On That Mountain .”
Pastor Dan motioned behind us where I assumed Maddie was
sitting.
    At the mention of Maddie’s name, I straightened up