McNally's luck by Lawrence Sanders

went.
    I don't care how exacting your standards may be,
    I assure you, male or female, that if you ever saw Connie you'd think me a dolt for casting a libidinous eye at any other woman. She is not beautiful in a conventional way, but she is certainly attractive and so sparkling that she could persuade a golem to dance a gavotte.
    She is rather shortish and plumpish, but she sports a year-round tan and usually lets her long, glossy black hair float free. I think I mentioned previously that I once saw her in a string bikini. More impressive than Mount Rushmore, I assure you.
    That evening she was wearing a white silk shirt with white denim jeans. Atop her head was a jaunty straw boater with a cerise silk band. It had once been my hat, and it still rankled that it looked better on her than it had on me. All in all, she looked so fetching that once again I lamented my philandering. I suspect it may be due to a defective gene.
    I was happy to see the Pelican Club was not too mobbed when we arrived. Priscilla was able to seat us at a corner table in the dining area.
    "Just right for lovebirds," she said, and looked at me. "Or should I say one lovebird and one cuckoo."
    "What sass!" I said. Then to Connie: "It's so hard to get good help these days."
    "Watch yourself, Simon Legree," Priscilla said, "or I'll tell pop to slip a Mickey in your margarita."
    "In that case I'll have a vodka gimlet," I said. "Connie?"
    "Ditto," she said. "Pris, what's Leroy pushing tonight?"
    "Yellowtail with saffron rice and an endive salad."
    That's what we both ordered, and after our drinks were brought, I wasted no time in broaching my nefarious plot. I handed Connie the Glorianas' flier advertising individualized psychic profiles. She read it swiftly and then looked up at me.
    "A swindle?" she asked.
    "I think so," I said. "I'd like to prove it, and you can help. Have you ever met Hertha or Frank Gloriana?"
    "Nope."
    "Do you think they've ever heard of you?"
    "I doubt it."
    "Good," I said. "Now here's what I'd like you to do: Answer the ad in your own name from your home address. But make up a completely phony woman. Fake the date and place of birth. Fake the names of parents and grandparents. Buy some cheap gimcrack and send it along as this nonexistent woman's personal possession. I want to see what kind of a psychic profile you'll get for an imaginary person."
    Connie laughed. "You're a tricky boyo, you know that? You really think the Glorianas will provide an analysis of a make-believe woman?"
    "For a hundred bucks they will," I said. "I'll bet on it. Send a personal check along with your letter, and I'll make sure you get reimbursed. Will you do it?"
    "Of course," she said. "It'll be fun. But why are you going to so much trouble, Archy?"
    I had a con ready.
    "An elderly gent is addicted to the mumbo jumbo the Glorianas are peddling. He's spending a fortune on private seances, fake demonstrations of telepathy and psychokinesis, and similar stuff. His grown children, our clients, are furious, figuring the old man is wasting their inheritance. They think the Glorianas are frauds. My father told me to investigate."
    Connie bought it.
    "Okay," she said, "I'll order a psychic profile for a woman who doesn't exist. Ah, here's our food. Now shut up and let me eat."
    "Yes, ma'am," I said.
    We finished dinner in record time, stopped at the bar for ponies of Frangelico, and then I drove Connie back to the Horowitz mansion.
    "Sorry you have to work late," I said. "Next time we'll make a night of it."
    "We better," she said. "Archy, tell the truth. Have you been faithful to me?"
    I avoided a direct lie, as is my wont. Subterfuge is the name of the game.
    "Connie," I said somberly, "I must be honest. Last week I flipped through a Playboy in the barbershop, and I confess I had lust in my heart."
    She tried not to laugh but failed. "Just make sure it stays in your heart," she said, "and doesn't migrate southward. Thanks for the dinner, luv."
    She gave me a very