Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape by Marsha Petrie Sue

Toxic Person’s behavior.
    Because of his constant complaining, Ray is classified as a Whine and Cheeser. He also shows signs of being a Needy Weenie because of his constant need to be listened to. He never takes personal accountability for anything. He is good at following directions but complains the entire time he is working on a project.
    2. Understand the outcome you want with the relationship.
    In a perfect world, Ray would keep his problems to himself and focus on conversations based on work and projects. This would help us build an environment that is productive and way more fun. It would be great if he took personal responsibility for his life. I really think this would make him an enjoyable part of the team.
    3. Decide how you want to be perceived by the person.
    Since I have to work with Ray, I want to be seen as helping and not pointing fingers or being a manipulator. It would be great if he would see me as helping him to develop better skills to move forward with a more successful relationship with his work group and ultimately his own life.
    4. Plan your response to your Toxic Person.
    I’ve decided not to listen to his negativity. I’ll be protective of my time and will say, “I really have a lot on my plate right now, and have got to get to my desk” (or whatever it is I’m working on). If he is ranting on and on about how awful something is, I’ll say, “That’s not the way I see it, because I’ve found that the company does work in my best interest.” Or, if his rant is about a person, I’ll say something like, “My experience with him/her is completely different. I’ve got to get back to work right now.”
    5. Practice your approach.
    I vow to myself that I will practice at least three times, without interruption, to become comfortable with my approach and words. I will not fold when I am actually in front of my Toxic Person and will keep my attitude positive. This is really about me building the strength, because I realize I will NEVER change others. I can only change myself, and it is my responsibility to do so.
    6. Choose the appropriate time and environment.
    I will be aware of when I feel trapped into listening to the endless complaints. I know that I don’t have to! Refusing to reward Ray’s behavior by becoming his audience will be the basis of my response. My suffering in silence actually gives Ray the belief I am interested.
    7. Follow up with the person if appropriate.
    I do have to work with Ray, as we are on the same project team. I plan to approach him (rather than always avoiding him) with positive results of something I have done or that happened (even if I have to dig deep for something good!). I will start by saying, “I just have a second, and wanted to let you know the project really took a positive step forward.” I will turn quickly and walk away, not waiting for his response.
    8. Evaluate the meeting by yourself.
    I am very proud of myself for taking the first step to not being sucked into Ray’s Whine and Cheeser attitude. The results are not exactly what I wanted. I am closer to having the skill, though, and Ray seems to be leaving me alone a little more. I need to watch my words and approach, because I see that I can easily fall into some old bad habits.
    9. Determine what you can do to improve the next time you encounter this kind of Toxic Person.
    I think practicing one or two more times will help with my next encounter. The words I wanted to use didn’t flow the way I had hoped. I did have some positive results. Checking my own attitude and ensuring I am in the optimistic flow with the outcome I want will help. Even one of my colleagues said, “Boy, Ray seems to be leaving you alone a little. What’s up?” Yeah! It is being noticed!!
    10. Give yourself a pat on the back!
    Just remember practice really does make perfect. Changing approaches and habits is not easy. There is no magic wand, magic fairy dust, or a pill you can take to ease the pain of a Toxic