Inclination by Mia Kerick

talk in the interim, as my friends
straggle in, one-by-one. And this is in no way a party that I’m hosting. It’s a
necessary get together that I called so I could make a statement—a statement I
need to make myself, in my own way, or Mrs. Martine might very well make it for me when the kids in Our Way start
asking her questions.
    Despite the
song’s assurances that God will go before me, I’m freaking out.
    I force myself to
turn off the car’s engine, slide from my car, and drag my feet across the
parking lot to the café entrance.
    “ You called the meeting, Anthony, and
then you don’t show up on time. We were all starting to wonder if you were even gonna show up at all.” From her spot in the corner,
Emma glares at me, her eyes accusing, but as I scan the group I see that my
strategy has worked—everyone is already here. I will only have to make my big
gay announcement once. “So what’s up with that?”
    “Why couldn’t you
drive me over, bro?” Laz seems confused. I usually drive
him everywhere. “I called your house
and your folks told me you already left. What’s the deal?”
    I choose to
simply smile at Laz and ignore his question.
    Elizabeth still
wears the identical expression of hostility that I saw on her face Friday
night, just prior to the door slam. She says nothing.
    Kerry looks as if
she wants to raise her hand to ask a question, but she decides to throw caution
to the wind and go for it. “Um…Anthony, I’m wondering why you wanted to meet us
here. The Our Way meeting starts in forty-five minutes. And, like, it’ll take
fifteen minutes for us to walk over there, so….”
    Emma finishes her
thought. “So we don’t have much time Anthony. What did you call us here to talk
about?”
    I know not what
awaits me.
    I sit down among
my friends, take a deep breath, blow it back out, and close my eyes for a
second. “I’m no longer a member of Our Way. I wanted to tell you before you
guys find out for yourselves.”
    Six chins drop.
    “What?” Elizabeth
breaks down first. “What are you talking about? You can’t quit—you’re an
officer!”
    This next part is
going to be harder. “I didn’t quit.”
    I can tell that Kerry
wants to raise her hand again. But finally she shrugs and waits for my
explanation.
    “What’s up wit ’ that, man? How come you’re outta the group?” Laz looks shell-shocked and he doesn’t try to hide it.
“Spill the details, dude. Like, ASAP.”
    My friends all
stare at me.
    God kindly veils
my eyes.
    “Mrs. Martine
asked me to leave the group.”
    Six gasps. But no
one asks why.
    So I tell them.
No fanfare, no drum roll—I just state it, “I’m gay. Mrs. Martine suggested that
I find another teen worship group.”
    All I can do now
is wait for their reactions. It hadn’t been fun, but I’d said what needed to be
said.
    Rinaldo’s face twists with fury or
disgust—it’s hard to say which—but he holds his tongue.
    “You can’t be
gay, dude.” Laz is the first to comment. “You’re my
pal, you have my back. Nah, you gotta be wrong.”
    Elizabeth speaks
next. “ That’s why our date was a
total disaster….” She smiles.
    Even Kerry
manages to find her lost voice. “Isn’t being gay a sin?”
    And Emma replies,
“Yeah, Kerry, it ranks up there with having an abortion and getting divorced
and remarried.” She turns to again glare at me. “It’ll send you straight to
hell, you know, Anthony.”
    And o’er each step
of my onward way….
    The remarks don’t
end there. And with them, any hope I had of loving acceptance disappears.
    “That’s
disgusting. Mrs. Martine was right to boot your ass. And good luck finding a
Christian youth group that’ll take in a fag.” Rinaldo ,
the normally submissive guy hovering in the back of the room, stands up and
sends me a look to kill. “I’m gone.”
    We all watch him
leave. And then Eric, who hasn’t spoken yet, makes a generous offer, “We’ll
pray for your soul in Our Way tonight.”