The Detective & the Pipe Girl by Michael Craven

“The rest of it was true. How we met. Where we would meet up.”
    I didn’t respond.
    Vonz, after a moment, continued. “She was so alive . At least I felt that way. And consequently that’s how I felt when I was around her. Alive. But she felt it too. You can’t deny it, you can’t lie, when it’s real. It’s just there. The feeling. After our first few encounters, I thought about her all the time, and I quickly realized I was in love with her. But I also thought about her because our relationship stirred me up in another way. It made me look at my wife, the mother of my children, in a new light. And sadly, I guess maybe tragically, it made me admit to myself that I wasn’t in love with my wife. And that I never had been. As hard as I tried to be, as hard as I tried to be in love with her, as much as I really do care for her, I’m just not. And that made me think. Made me say to myself: How often are you really in love? How often in an entire lifetime does it happen? That energy. That lightning. That mystery. It’s magic. And, I’m sure of this, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything other than that mysterious connection. It’s not logical. It’s not scientific. It’s not about background, or intellectual connection, or age. We tell ourselves it is, but that’s a lie. That’s a way for the conscious mind to keep you safe. And put you in a situation that works. So you can create a life with a house and children and social options. Truth is, people fall in love in seconds. With people who don’t speak the same language as they do. With people from wildly different backgrounds. It’s amazing really. It’s one of the truly amazing things about life. And like I said, you can’t fake it. It’s like a real laugh or a real feeling of surprise. It just is . And that’s what makes it so special.”
    I knew what he was talking about. And like a lot of things I believed to be true, it hurt a little to admit it.
    “It fucked with me, John. I thought about it a lot. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And I concluded the thing about love, the thing that makes it so special, is that it makes you feel like you’re not alone. I don’t mean in a simplistic way, a physical way. I mean it makes you feel like you’re not alone in the universe. That’s really what it is. The sex, the passion, all that stuff, is great. But it’s the realization that you are not alone in the universe that makes it so powerful. When you fall in love, you have connected with another person in a higher way that is nothing short of life-affirming. It makes everything make sense. It makes you want to keep living.”
    Another drag. Another pause. And then, “The irony. The irony is, when you’re in a relationship or a marriage where the love isn’t truly there, take mine with Gina for example, yes, you are physically together, you are physically not alone. And that can help to keep you distracted enough to not be lonely on a surface level. But if you dare to dig a little deeper, you still feel alone. And if you really look at it, you realize you’re more alone than ever. Because that real light isn’t there. And in your heart, whether you like it or not, you’re looking for it. It’s why there have been a million stories, songs, poems, on and on, about it. And it’s why there will be a million more.”
    Okay. He’s dramatic. He’s emotional. But in this moment I felt for him. Because it takes a lot, or a trauma, to admit you don’t love your wife. I still didn’t say anything.
    Vonz continued. “It happens so fast. Like I said, sometimes in an instant. I felt it for Suzanne after one weekend. Our first weekend together. But, really, I think I felt it right away. John, our entire relationship was six months. Maybe. Yet it was bigger than anything else I ever had.”
    I pulled out the letter. Unopened. I held it out to Vonz.
    “Do me a favor, John. Throw it out for me. When you leave, get rid of it. Gina’ll be back soon