Icon of the Indecisive by Mina V. Esguerra

different today?"
    "I'm asleep. I'm usually asleep at this time."
    "Do you use anything to help you sleep?"
    Marlee nods, and I'm glad I don't have to drag it out of her. She is open, and this is why she seems fragile. "Yes. I have a prescription. I need it every night."
    "Is there a reason why you would feel like you need more meds tonight?"
     Marlee thinks about it, and remembers a heartbeat before she answers. "I found out about Justin and Jess."
    Her hand, her fingers, her entire arm shakes.  
    "Do you want to talk about it?" I've come closer, but not too close. Just enough to hear her.
    "I suspected something about them," Marlee says, and her shaking fingers are brushing away tears. "But people always liked Jess more. She's just that way. I guess I have to learn to let go."
    "Why do you think you should be the one to let go?"
    "What can I do? I can't stand seeing them raise a child together."
    "Maybe they won't. Raise the child together."
    "Well they should," and she says it with so much pent-up anger.
    "Is that what you want?"  
    As soon as I say it, I see her for who she is, and she is not a person who gets what she wants. All the time. She has always had to sacrifice, and forgive, and give in to the needs and whims and sins of others, and no one has ever asked her to just follow her own way.
    She doesn't know what it means, yet.
    "They need to be responsible," she says, bitterly. "They don't get to do this to me and get away with it. Jessica has lived like a brat all her life. And Justin...he deserves any pain he gets."
    She's not going to mean that tomorrow, or next week, or a year from now. It's just the way it is. Or she'll just remember that she hates them but she'll move on, and they'll be stuck with their consequences. 
    But I've learned from Robbie and I don't tell her this. I have to respect her pain.
    "I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear," Marlee tells me. "I try to be fair even when life isn't fair to me."
    There is a history here, of parental neglect, and family struggles, and owing so much to her best friend's powerful family. It isn't entirely in my power —most of it has nothing to do with romantic love—but this is the part of her that's speaking to me now. 
    "I get it," I say instead. "It's okay to feel hurt. You have a right to be."
    "I do?" She gives me a sad smile. "It's like the first time anyone's ever said that."
    I feel useless, still. I want to take her pain away but I don't want to diminish it. I guess I don't have to do it right now. Not while she isn't ready.
     

     
    What brought me back was Quin's eyes. They were just on me. Watching. Waiting. 
    He didn't join me in my conversation with Marlee just then. Instead he kept me company in the car, parked in front of Marlee Manansala's house at 1 a.m. It was a townhouse, and a small one at that, and would probably fit comfortably in the family room with the high ceiling at Jessica Torres' house.
    The other thing that brought me back was the townhouse subdivision security guard tapping on our window. The houses here were so narrow and close together that Marlee's neighbors weren't sure if we were parked there stalking them , and one of them called the guard at the gate.
    Quin of course managed to convince him that we weren't burglars.
    "How is she?" he asked. 
    "Sucks to be her right now," I answered. "But I think I have to let her be."
    "You can't save everybody."
    "I thought that was the point of having a goddess of love."
    "No, wait. You can't save everybody the same way. You're right to think that some people need time."
    "I didn't get to help anybody in this project at all."
    Quin shook his head. "This project isn't over."
    "Whatever. Will you check if she's okay in there?"
    "She won't die from sleeping pill overdose, if that's what you're worried about."
    "Are you sure?"
    "The dosage isn't enough, even if she takes everything she has. She'll be fine. The conversation you just had with her will probably set her mind at