Wanted by ML Ross

she’s
thinking about but I don’t want her to be embarrassed so I concentrate on
stringing my popcorn.  My Mom and I used to do this when I was
little.  We would make all the stuff for the tree every year.  Every
year we’d think of something different.  The last Christmas I celebrated
was 7 years ago.  I was fifteen.  The two years I spent in foster
care, I didn’t care about Christmas.  I didn’t care about anything. 
Christmas was like any other day.  I was probably drunk, passed out on
someone’s couch.  When I got my studio apartment at Western, I just never
bothered with a tree or anything.  I actually feel happy that Vanessa is
here and that we are doing this together.
    She
sits cross-legged on the floor next to me and every once in a while our hands
touch in the bowl of popcorn.  I want to hold her hand.  I want to do
more than hold her hand but she might shoot me if I do what I really want to do
to her.  Once all the popcorn is strung, we hang it on the tree.  She
smiles at me as we stand next to each other admiring our work.
    “Do
you want me to start a fire?”  It’s cold in the cabin, so we always need a
fire going to keep it warm.
    “Sure!”
    “I
just need to see if Gramps has more firewood out back. Um, do you want to come
with me?”  She looks down at her bare legs and then gives me a strange
look.  Yes, I asked her to come with me because I still think she will
run.  Just because she’s tolerating being held captive doesn’t mean she
isn’t evaluating every escape option in her head.  I still worry she will
find that gun and force me to take her home.
    “I’m
not going anywhere Ryan.”
    I
study her face and nod my head. “I’ll be right back.”
    I
gather a bunch of wood from the back of the cabin where Gramps stored it. When
I come back in, Vanessa’s settled in the chair.  I’m very curious about
this boyfriend of hers.  The lack of passion.  I wonder what her
preferences are.  Does she make a lot of noise?  Does she like to be
on top?  Is she willing to try new things?  I’m getting a little
heated up just thinking about it.  The fire isn’t helping.  “So tell
me more about this boyfriend.”
    “Ex.”
    “Ex. 
You were together for a long time.  Do you still love him?”
    “I
love him but I’m not in love with him.” 
    “Right,
because something was missing.  Passion.  He didn’t “take care of
you” and you decided it was time to “take care of” yourself?”
    “Shut
up.”  She says as she looks away from me.
    She
obviously doesn’t want to talk about this kind of stuff so I don’t push. 
I’m just curious.  I’ve fucked a lot of girls.  I never felt anything
for any of them.  Kim and I had been best friends until we took our
relationship to the next step.  I have feelings for her.  I thought I
loved her but when we took that step, it was missing something
too…passion?  Sometimes I think Vanessa was really dropped out of Heaven
just for me. For the short time she’s been here, I feel something for her that
I never felt before.

Chapter 8 - Vanessa
     
     
    “Is
there a radio in this place?”
    “Yeah. 
In the kitchen.  Only gets a couple stations though.”
    “It’s
fine.  Do you mind if I look around the kitchen.  Maybe I can find something
to make for dinner, other than macaroni and cheese.”
    “Go
for it.”
    I
find the radio and it’s tuned into the only radio station this place seems to
get without static.  It’s a local pop station.  It’s better than
nothing.  I turn it up pretty loud and dance around the kitchen looking in
the cupboards.  I find a box of pasta and a can of tomatoes.  All I
need is some olive oil and some seasoning.  Bingo.  He has bread in
the freezer so I defrost some on the counter.  I find a pot for the pasta
and start boiling the water.  When the radio plays Justin Timberlake’s Not
A Bad Thing , I can’t help but to dance.  The song ends and I spin
around to find