What a Boy Wants by Nyrae Dawn

Aspen and the hippie stuff and now this.
     
    I could practically see the happy sigh fall from my mom’s mouth. I’m sure her heart was doing some love dance pitter-patter in her chest. “It’s okay, you know, Sebastian. My mistakes and your dad’s, that doesn’t--”
     
    “Ma!” I interrupted her. “Not going there, okay? I said it wasn’t about me. Let’s not play Oprah.” I stood up and grabbed my shoes. What the hell had I been thinking?
     
    She stopped me with her words. “Okay, then tell Jaden that I can’t really explain it. It’s just something you know. You want to take care of them and let them take care of you, too. They make you happy like no one else can.”
     
    I tossed my shoes to the floor and sat back down. This was a huge mistake. Like making out in Alex’s room sized mistake, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking anyway. “But is it worth it? All the times you’ve been hurt? How do I, I mean how does Jaden know that he won’t get left or end up hurting her?” I’d seen my mom cry so many tears, some of them shed because of my own dad, that I wasn’t sure I could risk doing that to Aspen.
     
    “Oh, honey.” Mom got up and sat next to me on my bed. My legs itched to get up and blow off this whole conversation, but they were too heavy. Like something weighed them to the ugly brown carpet of my bedroom. “You never know what’s going to happen. You have to have faith. All the heartache I’ve felt is worth it. I’ve met Roger and I’m willing to risk heartache because, not only do I think he’s worth it, but I’m worth it.”
     
    I couldn’t really understand what she meant. Sure, it’s easy to say something was worth it, but I didn’t know if I agreed. How did you know beforehand if it really was worth it? How did you know if you could deal with the aftershocks? I didn’t know if I wanted to risk it. What if I was right and the whole love thing was just a crock and I ended up losing Aspen? My best friend?
     
    “I think Jaden should go for it. For the first time in a long time, my life feels pretty much perfect. I have the world’s best son and a boyfriend that I love. There’s nothing else I want.”
     
    I huffed, trying to sound lighter than I felt. “You’re such a girl.”
     
    Mom hugged me. “I love you, Sebastian, and you tell Jaden I don’t think he has to ever worry about hurting a girl. He may not want to admit it, but his heart is always in the right place.”
     
    We both knew we weren’t talking about Jaden. “Hmm, maybe he can use that excuse in the future when he’s being an idiot.”
     
    She laughed. “Probably not a good idea.” Then she sighed and added, “You’re the best thing in my life, Sebastian. I’m so lucky to have you.”
     
    This was getting way too heavy for me, so I quirked my brow at her, still as confused as ever. “Yeah, that’s what all the girls say, Ma.”
     
    ***
     
    Aspen picked me up since we both worked the same shift that night. It was weird, the erratic thump of my pulse like I was nervous to be around her or something. Sebastian Hawkins didn’t get nervous around girls. It made me feel like a fish out of water. No, that was kind of a lame analogy. A fish out of water probably felt as though it was dying and I didn’t feel that. My palms were sweaty, my heart beating like a drum, my muscles all twitchy as if I was jacked up on five triple shots of espresso.
     
    “Hey, you okay over there?” she touched my leg with those new, shiny nails I was still unused to. I looked over at her, in her matching DJ’s polo shirt and smiled. Well, I tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. “You’re being weird and you look like you’re going to puke.” She swatted me. “Oh my God, Sebastian, are you on something?”
     
    Yeah, the crazy train because I think I might be in love with you. “Hell no. You know I paid attention to all those, “this is your brain. This is your brain on drugs,” lessons in