A Naked Singularity: A Novel by Sergio De La Pava

THINK EDUCATION IS EXPENSIVE, TRY IGNORANCE. Inside, I knew a posteriori, would be threats:
your credit rating . . . collection agency
and other ominous warnings. I read this as if about another, without alarm or true belief. More mail alleging it was sensitive to time; I sympathized. From my machine came exhortations:
Don’t forget about tomorrow . . . I can see you’re not going to return my phone calls . . . please call immediately regarding your account
.
    I figured I needed to wash my brain clean if I hoped to sleep. Needed to forget that there were Glenda Deebles the world over or at least get them temporarily out of my skull and for that I would need an attractive distraction. Music was always my first choice but I liked it loud and the ear was in no mood. I had not nearly enough concentration left for reading so on went Television and its replay of the nightly news.
    Angus was right. Before an array of microphones in front of City Hall stood a lanky Toad. Toad was the mayor. New York City’s electoral populace had not elected a fly-eating amphibian to run the city but they had selected someone named Toad, pronounced toe-add, to stand behind microphones in situations such as this and he now did so gladly, a slight smirk maybe building across his face. Video Vigilantes was a good idea he was saying and a grinning fat guy in a green beret was shaking his hand. Citizens needed to help the police fight crime. Citizens had greater leeway and could, in some instances, be more effective since their conduct was not governed by that obstructive Bill of Rights. Videotaping life was a step in the right direction. Those who weren’t doing anything wrong had nothing to fear and those who were, well they would be exposed by the white light of the camera—a camera that incidentally never lied. The reporter then hit the streets to see what average Joe thought. There followed near-universal praise for the vigilantes and the Toad’s stamp of approval. Crime was on the run.
    But not completely because up next was
the horrifying story of the Dutch woman whose New York vacation has turned into a nightmare that just won’t end,
the face said this with a solemnity that veered towards glee. Then they sped to Cindylou or whatever who was at the scene with the full story:
Thanks Chuck. A nightmare is exactly what Dutch tourist Lana Huber is experiencing. Behind me is the TGINMONDAY’S in midtown where the twenty-three-year-old single mother stopped in for what police believe was a decaffeinated beverage. Police say Ms. Huber left her ten-month-old daughter outside on the sidewalk in a stroller while she had her coffee. When she returned (dramatic pause) the baby was gone
.
    Yes it appears that the female in question was in this establishment consuming a decaffeinated beverage while the child in question was left outside for a period of time. When the female returned to the scene the child in question was gone
.
    Any leads?
    We’re not going to discuss a pending investigation
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    Reaction in the community was mixed
.
    Serves her right! You can’t leave no baby out in the street like that. This is New York this ain’t Iowa!
    My heart goes out to her as a fellow mother. She may have made a mistake but nobody deserves to have her baby abducted in that manner. I certainly hope they can find the person who did this and I hope the baby’s safe
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    It just goes to show you that nobody’s safe not even a baby
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    Chuck, police are asking anyone who might have information on this missing baby to call 1-800-BAD BABY. The BAD is not meant as any kind of value judgment Chuck, its alliterative allure is simply designed to increase consumer awareness. From outside MONDAY’S in midtown this is Cindylou or whatever reporting
.
    Thank you. In Harlem a brutal slaying has shocked . . 
.
    There followed grim descriptions of further mayhem and an almost heartfelt plea to stay tuned for a report on the record lows from their vaunted