Better than Perfect by Simone Elkeles

reaches out and fingers the bracelet with a heart and football charm he got me for my birthday last year.
    â€œSorry about Friday night,” he says. “My old man was on my case about being a leader of the team my senior year and wearing the coveted
C
like he did when he played.”
    I get it. Carter McKnight was a legend in Chicago when he played. He’s got super high expectations. Landon always wants to meet or exceed them. Up until I was voted captain, he had.
    Coach Dieter made me realize I don’t want to give up being captain. I want to lead and motivate my team. I like knowing my place on the team means more than just being on that roster.
    â€œI never wanted to take anything away from you, Landon.”
    He avoids looking at my eyes. “Sure. Right. I know that, Ash.”
    There’s an awkward silence again. I don’t know what to say to fix this . . . fix us. I can’t change what happened or turn back time any more than he can.
    He touches my charm bracelet again. “Did I mess everything up between us?”
    â€œNo.” I don’t want another person in my life to leave me. At least if I have Landon, I’m not alone. “But . . . you made me feel awful Friday night. The whole Lily thing kind of freaked me out, and you haven’t called or texted in days. I don’t know what to think anymore.”
    â€œJust forget about all that.”
    He bends his head down to kiss me. For the moment, everything seems to be fixed. I want to believe him, but it’s hard. Since my mom left, I haven’t fully trusted anyone. Even Landon.
    We talk about practice. I ask if he’s started packing for our Texas trip at the end of the month. We’ve both been accepted toElite, a football training camp that’s practically impossible to get into. Only top high school players in the country are admitted. The plan is to drive there and stay in posh hotels for free by redeeming the frequent traveler points Landon’s dad has racked up and said we could use.
    â€œSo what’s the deal with that Derek dude?” Landon asks. He looks over my shoulder. Derek is mowing the lawn while listening to music with his earbuds. I have no clue why he wants to fix our place up. It’s not like my dad cares if the backyard looks nice. Dad mows the front of the house every couple of weeks, so everyone who passes can think that we’re doing just fine. The backyard represents us better.
    â€œI have no idea. All I know is that we’ve agreed to stay out of each other’s way and I’m pretending he doesn’t exist.” It’s not exactly true. I’m trying to pretend he doesn’t exist, but he’s not letting me do a good job of it.
    Landon gestures to my house. “Your old man home?”
    â€œI don’t know. Probably not, since his car is gone.” He prefers to go to work, where he can drown himself in projects at the accounting firm he works at.
    Landon pulls me close and whispers into my ear, “How about you and me go up to your room right now? I could use a back rub.”
    Now? I look back at Derek. “Maybe this isn’t a good time.”
    â€œCome on, Ash.” He takes my hand and leads me into the house. “You always say we don’t get enough private time. Let’s make use of it while we’ve got it.”
    In my room, Landon takes his shirt off and sprawls out on mybed. I sit beside him and start massaging his back, kneading his taut muscles.
    â€œThat feels so damn good.” He moans as I rub his shoulders. “You totally relax me, Ash.”
    â€œWhy don’t you relax me by rubbing my foot, which is sore from kicking the ball so many times today?”
    â€œFeet gross me out,” he says. “The only feet I touch are my own.” He turns to face me and slowly slips his hands under my shirt. He unhooks my bra, then rubs his thumbs over my nipples. “I can massage other parts of