Ballads of Suburbia by Stephanie Kuehnert

don’t know…”
    â€œMaybe you need to talk to someone,” I suggested. “I know we don’t know each other very well, but if you want you can talk to me.”
    Cass’s eyes met mine. Her pupils were huge, practically filling her brown irises, and it felt like she was looking deep inside of me. After staring at me for a minute, she said, “I don’t know if it’s the acid, but for some reason you seem like the most trustworthy person in the world.”
    â€œYou’re on acid?” I asked with naive excitement, my drug repertoire being limited to pot.
    Cass shrugged. “Acid’s what I do to escape.”
    From the little bit I’d gathered about her family earlier, I knew she had a lot to escape. “I’m really sorry your brother couldn’t come home.”
    â€œThat’s the thing. My brother could’ve come home. He chose not to,” Cass stated icily.
    â€œWait…” Alcohol had impaired my thought process. I gripped the edge of the stair I sat on in hopes that the world would stop spinning so I could focus. “I thought you said that your parents decided—”
    â€œDo you know why my brother left?”
    â€œMaya told me that after he got expelled your parents sent him to California.”
    Cass nodded with her whole body, rocking back and forth on the step. “That’s what Maya and everybody else thinks. That’s what Wes told them. But my parents didn’t send Wes away. He chose to leave.”
    â€œWhy?” I scooted closer to Cass even though watching her rock made me dizzy.
    â€œWes doesn’t deal well with our family. Our mom in particular. She has manic depression. And she’s been way worse since my aunt…I can’t really talk about that.” Cass cut herself off with a sharp drag from her smoke and stopped rocking for a second.
    Then she continued, the flow of her words and the movement of her body quickly picking up speed. “After Wes got expelled, he was stuck home alone with Mom during the day. After a week,he freaked out. He begged our dad to send him away so he could get his life together. Said he needed a fresh start, to get away from Oak Park and drugs and everyone and their problems. Dad agreed. When Wes asked me what I thought, I wanted to scream at him, “Please don’t fucking leave me.’” Cass rolled her eyes upward, swallowing hard.
    â€œBut I agreed. He’s my big brother. I’ve always wanted what’s best for him. I even let him lie about being sent away so he could protect his rep or whatever. He promised he’d visit, though. This is the second time he’s broken that promise.”
    Cass dropped her head into her hands like she had in the driveway when Maya and I had found her earlier. My heart ached for her. I imagined she felt a million times worse than I had when Stacey moved and broke all her promises to me. I wished I had some sort of advice for Cass, but I coped by cutting, which wasn’t any better than dropping acid. Even if I’d known what to say, I was so drunk I probably would have screwed it up. But at least the alcohol helped me do one thing right. With my inhibitions lowered, I had no qualms about hugging a stranger, even someone like Cass, who acted like one of those tough girls who didn’t like to be touched.
    She cried in my arms for five minutes and then she started laughing. “Acid,” she explained between giggles. “I can’t help it. It makes the tears tickle.”
    â€œThat’s so weird!”
    Maya stumbled outside, looking for me. “What are you guys doing out here?”
    â€œTalking about acid,” Cass said. She hugged me one last time and whispered in my ear, “Please don’t tell Maya. She can’t handle the family stuff, either.”
    I promised that I wouldn’t.

The Ballad of a Hallucinating Guardian Angel: Cassandra Channing
    â€œShe’s