Hope for Us (Hope Series Book #3) by Sydney Aaliyah Michelle

too fast. I felt so on the edge, but on the edge of what? 
    Jackson knelt on the bed, pressed my knees back, and lined himself up at my entrance. He sat up and I followed, but the way he held me, I couldn’t move to meet him. He looked down at me and rubbed my cheek and my insides melted. I reached down and gripped him and guided him inside of me. I gasped as he held my gaze, daring me to look away. He filled me and I swayed closer to the edge of insanity.
    Not a good feeling, but not a bad feeling, either. 
    Jackson leaned over and laid perfect kisses on my lips and chin and neck as he pumped his hips into me. Slow at first, but he sped up and his kisses got more random and frantic. I felt a wave of panic overcome me, and I closed my eyes.
    He stopped and shifted his weight on his heels and watched me. I exhaled and opened my eyes. I sat up, wrapped my arms around his neck, climbed up in to his lap and kissed him. He turned away and frowned. I pulled his face to me and he opened his mouth to speak and I kissed him hard. He wanted to stop and discuss, analyze, and I was not ready to go there with him. Not tonight.
    “Fuck me,” I whispered as I reached down and stroked him. I made sure the lust would push any other rational thought out of his head.
    He may have hesitated, if not for my hand on his dick stroking him into submission. I turned over and got on my hands and knees. He entered me from behind and it felt so good. Every time he pushed into me, he would pause and I would pulse on his dick like he did in my throat. The way he gripped my hips, I knew it drove him near that insanity line. At least, we were in the same place. He tried to hold back, but I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to take over and pound me. I got off on the panicked feeling.
    What the hell is wrong with me?
    I couldn’t see but could feel his frustration in the way he gripped my hips. I worked him up into another frenzy and he had no more patience. He pushed my down on the bed, flat on my stomach. With his hand on my lower back he pounded into me. He cried out, as he grew close. He wanted to finish but held back. 
    I turned my head to look behind me and we locked eyes. His face scrunched up and he looked in pain physically and emotionally. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down to me. I contorted my body for him to kiss me. Our tongue tangled and I pulled away for one moment and begged, “Fuck me, Jackson.”
    That was all it took. He latched onto my shoulder and buried himself in me as far as he could go. He let out a muffled scream into the bed next to where my head laid. His body spasmed, and he collapsed on my back. I reached around and ran my hand through his hair, massaging his scalp. He pulled out of me and fell over to his side.
    I reached over and planted a kiss on his check and my lips linger there while he caught his breath.
    My mind raced, but I remained quiet. I waited to see if he would speak. If he would ask what the hell happened. I wanted him to ask, but then again, I didn’t because I didn’t have an answer. I didn't want him to know that I was still hurting, that I was still damaged.
    I had enough therapy in the last six years to know what happened. I panicked when someone controlled me. At the same time, I got off on begin controlled. When Jackson focused on me, it was too intimate and I couldn’t deal with all those emotions at the same time. I was too out of control, and I wasn’t ready for that.
    My fucked-up, unstable brain chemistry played with my heart. It happened after meeting Josh and transformed into something strange and inexplicable after being betrayed by both him and Jackson. I wasn’t sure who had damaged me worse. With Josh, I understood how what he did messed me up, but with Jackson, the effect it had on my mental state was more complicated.
    Since Josh, Jackson and I had been together three times. The first time, we took our time. We explored each other. The emotional connection was sweet and